I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
