How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
from now on my penis is your penis
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
