mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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