I want to walk on stilts...naked
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
