Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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