need another drink. this is the easiest way
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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