I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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