Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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