happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
