Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
