She's JV to your varsity
i already hear my dad disowning me
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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