he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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