She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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