So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
