Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
