For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
