remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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