it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
