Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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