Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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