WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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