Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
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They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
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I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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