When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
