Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
