There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
