Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
