I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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