i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
