I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
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