Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
