Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
