I wish I could teleport
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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