I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
