Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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