I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
