how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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