Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
