I think i peed on brittanys purse
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
