Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
