I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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