So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
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