and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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