The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
