oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
