Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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