My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
