the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
