You're so nebulous sometimes
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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