I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
