Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
