just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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