Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
