Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
