my text book just quoted the cookie monster
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
