So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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