Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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