It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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