it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
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