Already got asked if we're dating
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
