smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
