and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
