They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
