I love black thongs
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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