the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
