there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
