worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
